A woman gave birth to twin babies and immediately fell asleep.
A few weeks later, she finally woke up and asked the doctor, “Where’s my baby?!”
The doctor replied, “They’re both fine, you have a beautiful boy and girl.
Your husband went back to work, and you were gone so long that your brother named them.”
The woman looked worried, because her brother wasn’t the sharpest tool in the shed. “Oh no. What did he name them?”
“He named the girl Denise,” the doctor replied.
The woman, relieved, said, “Well, that’s not so bad. And the boy?”
“Denephew.”
2nd joke: The cheeky parrot and the man in the sky!
Suddenly, the parrot sitting next to him leans forward and screeches, “Hey, you! Give me a damn whiskey!”
The flight attendant hurriedly brings the parrot back a drink, but she still ignores the man.
The parrot drinks the whiskey in one go and then screams again, “Hey, you! Yes, you! Bring me another whiskey!”
The flight attendant rushes to serve the parrot again.
The man still can’t get her attention, but he’s a bit smart and realizes where he’s going wrong.
He shouts, “Hey, you! Yes, you, stop being lazy and bring me a damn whiskey!”
The flight attendant rushes to the back of the plane, but instead of returning with a drink, she reappears with two burly men and points at the man and the parrot.
A minute later, as he falls from the plane, the parrot turns to the man and says,
“You know, for someone who can’t fly, you’re a real jerk.”