A guy is stranded on an island with only a Doberman and a pig for company.
There’s plenty of food and water, and the weather is beautiful,
so he’s doing alright, but after a few months he gets lonely.
The pig starts to look more and more attractive, soft, pink flesh, round buttocks.
But every time this poor guy makes an advance towards the pig, the Doberman snarls at him and once almost bit his leg.
Very frustrating. One day the guy sees a speck on the horizon, so he swims out there and it turns out to be a dinghy,
cast adrift, and in the bottom of the boat is a beautiful woman, unconscious.
He drags her to shore and brings her into his hut and slowly nurses her back health.
Finally she is well enough to walk and she says to him “Thank you, thank you for saving my life.
I don’t know how I can ever repay you. I’ll do anything for you, anything, just name it.”
The guy thinks for a minute and says, “Would you mind taking my dog for a walk?”
2nd joke of the day: A man has only 24 hours to live
A man returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him he has only 24 hours to live.
Given this prognosis, the man asks his wife for lovemaking.
Naturally, she agrees, and they make love.
About six hours later, the husband goes to his wife and says,
“Honey, you know I now have only 18 hours to live.
Could we please do it one more time?” Of course, the wife agrees, and they do it again.
Later, as the man gets into bed, he looks at his watch and realizes that he now has only 8 hours left.
He touches his wife shoulder, and asks, “Honey, please…just one more time before die.”
She says, “Of course, Dear,” and they make love for the third time.
After this session, the wife rolls over and falls asleep.
The man, however, worried about his impending death, tosses and turns, until he’s down to 4 more hours.
He taps his wife, who rouses. “Honey, I have only 4 more hours.
Do you think we could…” At this point the wife sits up and says,
“Listen, I have to get up in the morning. You don’t!”