“A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn’t paying attention, so she asks him,
“If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?”
Johnny says, “None.” The teacher asks, “Why?” Johnny says, “Because the shot scared them all off.
” The teacher says, “No, there are two left, but I like how you’re thinking.”
Then Johnny asks the teacher, “You see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor.
One is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream.
Which one is married?” And the teacher responds, “The one sucking her ice cream.
” Johnny says, “No, the one with the wedding ring,
but I like how you’re thinking!”
2nd joke: An Irish dad calls his son in London – funny jokes
An Irish dad calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says,
“I hate to ruin your day
but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing.”
“Dad, what are you talking about?” the son screams.
“We can’t stand the sight of each other any longer,” the father says.
“We’re sick of each other and I’m sick of talking about this,
so you call your sister in Leeds and tell her.”
The son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. “Like heck they’re getting divorced!
”she shouts, “I’ll take care of this!”
She calls Ireland immediately, and screams at her father, “You are NOT getting divorced.
Don’t do a single thing until I get there. I’m calling my brother back, and we’ll both be there tomorrow.
Until then, don’t do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. “Sorted!
They’re coming for Christmas – and
they’re paying their own way”