A gorgeous woman is seated next to little Johnny on a plane.
Suddenly, the flight hits severe turbulence and the plane sharply dives.
The captain’s voice crackles over the intercom, “Folks, I’m sorry to say this, but we might not make it out of this one.”
Panic erupts among the passengers—everyone except Johnny.
He shyly turns to the woman and says,
“I hate to bother you, miss, but if we’re going to die, I’ve never kissed anyone.”
The woman is surprised but soon decides to grant his wish, leaning in for a heartfelt kiss.
Johnny, thrilled, continues,
Sorry to ask again after such a nice kiss, but if we die, I’ve never felt a bre@st.”
Though startled, the woman agrees and lets him explore under her shirt.
After a good while, Johnny says, “You’ve been so kind, but please, before we die, I want to experience a bl0w job.”
The woman, now fully on board, begins undoing his belt.
Just then, the plane steadies. As passengers disembark,
they thank and congratulate the captain. The woman tells him,
“Thank you for saving us.” Johnny yells after them,
“Next time,
Dad, a little more turbulence, please!”
2nd joke: Do you know me, Mrs. Rowland?
At the court of a small provincial town, a lawyer calls his first witness,
an old woman around 80 and he asks her with a professional style: “Do you know me, Mrs. Rowland?”
“Of course, I know you Mr. Smith! says the old woman.
I know you since you were little, and I have to confess that I am very disappointed in you.
You lie, you cheat on your wife repeatedly, you gossip about your clients.
Of course, I know you!” Speechless, by the unexpected answer, the lawyer points with his finger on the other side of the court room and says:
“Do you know the defense lawyer?” “Oh, yes! I know Mr. Soft as well.
I was holding him in my arms when he was a baby, and I can say that I am disappointed in him, too.
He’s a drunk and a gamester. He finds it hard to develop a normal relationship with anyone and he is one of the worst lawyers of our town!”
At that point, the Chairman interrupts the process and demands from the two lawyers to approach the bench.
When they do, he bends over and whispers to them: “If any of you j**rks, asks if she knows me, you’re scr**w*d!”
3rd joke: A man suffered a serious heart attack at store
A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store.
The store clerk called 911 when they saw him collapse to the floor.
The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency open heart bypass surgery.
He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at the Catholic Hospital.
A nun was seated next to his bed holding a clipboard loaded with several forms, and a pen.
She asked him how he was going to pay for his treatment.
“Do you have health insurance?” she asked.
He replied in a raspy voice, “No health insurance.”
The nun asked, “Do you have money in the bank?”
He replied, “No money in the bank.”
Do you have a relative who could help you with the payments?” asked the irritated nun.
He said, “I only have a spinster sister, and she is a nun.”
The nun became agitated and announced loudly, “Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God.”
The patient replied, “Perfect. Send the bill to my brother-in-law.”