An elderly couple are both lying in bed one morning, having just awaken from a good nights sleep.

He takes her hand and she responds, “Don’t touch me.”

“Why not,” he asks.

She answers back, “Because I’m dead.”

The husband says to her, “What are you talking about? We’re both lying here in bed together and talking to one another.”

The wife says, “No, I’m definitely dead.”

Her husband insists, “You’re not dead. What in the world makes you think you’re dead?”

His wife answers, “I know I’m dead, because I woke up this morning and nothing hurts!”

A guy in a bar notices a woman

A guy in a bar notices a woman, always alone, who comes in on a fairly regular basis, after the second week, he made his move.

“No thank you,” she said politely.”

“This may sound rather odd in this day and age, but I’m keeping myself pure until I meet the man I love.”

“That must be rather difficult,” the man replied.

“Oh, I don’t mind too much,” she said.

“But, it has my husband pretty upset.”