An Australian guy walks into a bar with a crocodile under his arm.
He asks the bartender if he will give him free drinks if he shows
he can put his tool inside the crocs mouth for 15 seconds without it getting bit off.
The bartender agrees. The guy opens the crocs mouth and puts his tool inside it.
The croc gently closes his mouth and after 15 seconds the Australian hits him over the head with a bottle,
causing the croc to open his mouth and let the guy withdraw his manhood.
The bartender starts serving the free drinks to the Australian and then tells everyone in the bar, “If anyone else can do that then I will give them free drinks also”.
There is a pause and then a blonde woman calls out “ok,
I will do it but please don’t hit me so hard over my head with the bottle”.
2nd joke : A little boy siting on Santa’s lap
A little boy about nine or ten, was siting on Santa’s lap.
Santa pointed his finger in the boys face, and said,
“George I know what you want for Christmas! A T-O-Y.” “Nope!” replied George.
Then again, pointing his finger in the boys face, “You want C-A-N-D-Y.” “Nope!” replied George.
“Then just what the hell do you want,” ask Santa.
George looked Santa in the face, pointing his finger,
“I want some P-*-*-S-Y! And don’t tell me that you don’t have any.
Because I can smell it on your finger!”