In an attempt to show that I had moved on from the person everyone made fun of, I attended my ten-year reunion. Even my most hurt peers didn’t recognize me. I waited till Madison called my name while remaining silent and paying close attention.
A part of me still wanted to vanish, so I nearly wore black to my ten-year reunion.
Instead, no one recognized the girl they had been making fun of for years when I entered that hotel ballroom wearing red.
I had a choice for the first time.
I could identify myself to them.
Alternatively, I could remain silent long enough to find out who they were.
At my ten-year reunion, I nearly wore black.
I stood in front of the mirror, clutching a black cardigan as if it could save me, and the red dress hung from the closet door in my hotel room.
Before I could turn it on, my phone rang.
The screen was filled with Mom’s face. She sighed after giving me a quick glance.”Why are you holding that sweater, Eva?””Hotels are chilly.””Hotels have heat, baby.”It’s useful.
Before I could turn it on, my phone rang.”No,” she murmured. “It’s hiding.”
I turned my head away.
I was twenty-eight. I had friends who didn’t view kindness as weakness, a career I was proud of, and a life in Chicago. However, I was immediately drawn back into high school by one reunion invitation.
I was the girl that everyone looked at for the wrong reasons back then.
I had unruly hair with its own agenda, terrible skin, and braces. The jokes followed me until I graduated, having begun in middle school. When I responded to questions in class, some individuals made fun of me and others called me nicknames.
I was the girl that attracted unwanted attention from everyone.
The worst of them were Brielle, Ashley, and Madison.
Mom is the only one who never allowed me to trust them.
She would sit next to me whenever I came home in tears and say, “One day, you’ll see yourself the way I see you.”
Every time, I would huff back.
She would go on, “And one day, everyone else will too.”
I used to believe that she said it out of need.You’ll view yourself the way I do one day.”
I wasn’t sure now.I questioned, “What if they still perceive me as her?”
Mom’s expression relaxed. “Eva, that girl deserved kindness too.”
My throat constricted.
She gestured to the screen. “Put the cardigan down.””Mom.”Put it down.Eva, that girl was also deserving of compassion.
I let it fall upon the bed.”Honey, that dress isn’t too much,” she remarked. “It’s exactly enough.”I nearly discarded the invitation.I am aware.”So why did you tell me to leave?”Because you always sounded like you were standing in the corridor when discussing that school.”I nearly discarded the invitation.
I didn’t respond.Mom remarked, “You’re not going there to impress them.” “You’re going there to prove you can walk into that room and still breathe.””And if Madison is present?”Then take a deeper breath. Make room, my love.”
Despite the burning in my eyes, I chuckled.Make room, my love.”
The cardigan was placed on the bed by me.
After that, I returned, folded it, and placed it in my luggage.
One crimson dress did not make ten years of fear go away.
Bright lights, blue and silver balloons, and a banner that read “WELCOME BACK, CLASS OF 2016!” were all present at the downtown hotel where the reunion took place.
After a full minute of waiting outside the ballroom doors, a man wearing a committee badge rushed over.”WELCOME BACK, 2016 CLASS!””Pardon me,” he said. “Are you with the event staff?”
I glanced at my clothing before turning back to face him.No, unless the hotel serves champagne while wearing heels.
His cheeks turned red. “I apologize. I simply don’t know who you are.”That’s alright,” I said. “Most people won’t.”
He gestured to the table with name tags. “Grab yours before you go in.”I apologize. I simply don’t know who you are.”
I immediately found it.
EVANGELINE.
After touching the sticker, I left it there.
Not quite yet.
Inside, people stood in circles, assessing who had aged well and laughing too loudly. Former classmates gave each other hugs as if they hadn’t been apart for ten years.
I made contact with the sticker.
Men discussed their jobs. Women contrasted rings, infants, homes, and trips.
A woman by the bar gave me two glances. “Sorry, were you in our class?”I was, indeed.
She cocked her head. “I’m feeling awful. I’m not familiar with you.””Don’t,” I said. “You’re not the only one.”
She gave a courteous laugh and turned to leave.I apologize. Did you attend our class?
No one knew who I was.
Not a single individual.
It ached at first. It then came in handy when Ashley halted in front of me with Brielle by her side.Ashley remarked, “I adore your dress.”Thank you.
Brielle grinned. “Are you the plus-one of someone? I’d remember you, I promise.”I arrived by myself.”I’d remember you, I promise.”
Ashley raised an eyebrow. “Brave.””I’m curious,” I said.
Brielle chuckled. “Then join us for a seat. More youthful-looking faces and more enthusiasm are needed at our table.”
I glanced across at their table. They all wore better cosmetics, but they all had the same keen eyes and smiles.I’m able to sit for a little while.”Then join us for a seat.
Ashley got me a chair. “So, what do you do?””I oversee a marketing group.”You do, of course,” Brielle remarked. “You look like you send emails people are scared to ignore.”only when they are deserving of it.
Ashley chuckled. “I like her.”
It hurt.I oversee a marketing group.
Ashley had once asked me at school if it hurt to look like “that.” She didn’t realize that I had changed, therefore suddenly she liked me.
Madison then showed up, making enough noise to turn three tables.She dropped her handbag next to Ashley’s glass and murmured, “Please tell me you saved me a seat.”
Ashley smiled. “Madison, meet our new friend.”
Madison examined me. “All right, thank God. This table need assistance.Meet our new pal, Madison.
I grinned. “Rough night?””Reunions are never easy,” Madison remarked. “Too many people pretending they peaked after graduation.”I answered, “I’m glad to serve. “Most people did peak in high school, they’d just never admit it.”
She sounded normal for a few minutes. She discussed employment, traffic, and how strange it was to see everyone becoming older.
The organizer then gave the microphone a tap.Remember that our ‘Where Are They Now?’ slideshow will shortly begin, everyone.”Hard night?”
Madison gave a clap. “Oh, this is going to be amazing.”
Ashley’s grin vanished. “What did you send in?”The most hilarious video
Brielle’s mouth was shut. “Please tell me it’s not sophomore year.”
Madison smiled. “The hallway video.”
I gripped my glass more tightly.”What did you submit?””The one with Evangeline?” inquired Brielle.”Yes,” Madison replied. “I forgot how funny that was.”
Ashley moved around in her seat. “Madison…””What?” asked Madison. “Hurry up. She was essentially the awkward mascot for our class.
Before I dropped my glass, I put it down.I said, “What was she like?”I didn’t realize how amusing that was.
Madison grinned as if I had given her a present.Yes, that was quite sad. Frizz, braces, and a perpetually red face. She would panic if you said anything at all.
Ashley cast a downward glance. “We were awful.”
Madison rolled her eyes. “High school was in session. Everyone was made fun of.I answered, “Not everyone went home in tears.
There was silence at the table.
Madison squinted. “Did you know her?”We were terrible.
My chest hurt, yet I grinned.superior to what you did. I apologize. Before the show, I need to use the restroom.”
With a nod, they resumed their conversation.
I reached the bathroom before my hands began to tremble.
From the sink, I called Mom.I muttered, “They don’t realize it’s me.”Before the show, I need to use the restroom.”
Mom fell silent. “Well, that tells me they never really saw you.”Madison submitted a video. They were giggling over it.”Oh, Eva.”I’d like to go.”Then depart.
I took a swallow. “Really?”You owe them nothing.I’d like to go.”
I glanced at my reflection in the mirror. My mouth was trembling, my eyes were watering, and I was wearing the red dress.
Mom continued, “But you don’t have to run either.”
I reached inside my purse and took out the cardigan.
Mom said, “Put it on if you want to. Just make sure it’s a choice, not armor.”
For a moment, I held it.
I then placed it on the counter after folding it.
I examined my reflection in the mirror.I’m returning.””Why?”because Madison called my name as if I weren’t present.
Mom’s voice warmed. “Then go take your place in the room.”
As I came back, the lights darkened.
Weddings, infants, dogs, promotions, and happy vacation pictures opened the presentation. People laughed and applauded.Go take a seat in the room after that.
My slide then showed up.
EVA.
The screen was filled with a picture of me in Chicago. I was grinning and putting my arm around a younger colleague as I stood with my team following the launch of a campaign.
The words “Marketing Director” were written beneath it. Chicago Community Mentor.
People applauded.
Brielle bent over. “Who’s that?”
My slide then showed up.
Ashley gazed. “The woman that was sitting with us, no?”
Madison hardly took her eyes off her phone.
The music then stopped.
A blurry video of a hallway emerged.
lockers that are blue. The floor is dirty. fluorescent lighting.
Then my sixteen-year-old self showed up on the screen, holding my books.
Madison hardly took her eyes off her phone.
Madison’s voice as a teenager echoed through the speakers.Be careful, everyone. The person in the earlier photo is attempting to walk.
In the video, someone laughed.
My books fell to the ground.
The girl on the television appeared to be apologizing for being alive as she quickly fell to her knees.
The ballroom fell silent.
Madison chuckled once.
Nobody went with her.
In the video, someone laughed.
The organizer hurried over to the laptop. “I really apologize. I was unaware.”I said, “Leave it up.”
Everybody turned.
I moved toward the direction of the screen.I want everyone to give her a quick glance.
Nobody made a move.Leave it alone.I answered, “She tried to vanish for four years.” “She altered the way she laughed, walked, and responded to class questions. With a single glance, she discovered which hallways to stay away from and which girls could destroy her day.
Madison’s face turned white.
I looked over at her.And even after ten years, you continued to find amusement in degrading her.
Madison got up. “Wait.”
I gestured to the screen.I was that girl.”She attempted to vanish for four years.
The room echoed with a deep sound.
Ashley’s mouth was shut.
Brielle gazed at the ground.
Madison forced a grin. “Come on, Eva. We were children.”Madison, I was a child too.
Her grin vanished.She remarked, “I had no idea you were still upset.”Come on, Eva. We were children.”You never inquired, thus you were unaware.”It was merely a humorous recollection.I said, “You recalled the laugh.” “I remembered going home in tears.”
Someone in the rear remarked, “That wasn’t funny.”
Another voice said, “It never was.”
Madison glanced around, but this time the room did not approach her.It wasn’t humorous.””Everyone was made fun of,” she whispered.”No,” I replied. “Everybody didn’t have a camera pointed at them while they tried not to cry.”
The organizer took a step next to me. “I apologize, Eva. The clip ought never to have been approved.
I gave a nod.
I turned to face the room after that.I don’t want anyone expelled. I don’t require a flawless apologies. All I ask is that we cease referring to cruelty as nostalgia.The clip ought never to have been approved.
Madison’s eyes glowed, but I wasn’t sure if that was due to embarrassment or shame.”I apologize,” she muttered. “I didn’t think about what it felt like for you.”That’s the issue,” I stated. “You didn’t think of me as someone who felt things.”
Before Madison could say anything more, I grabbed my handbag and left.
In the bathroom, I discovered my cardigan, which I had left folded on the counter.
I pressed it to my chest for a moment.
Madison had bright eyes.
I then placed it in my bag.
I eventually started crying when the chilly air touched my cheeks outside on the patio. I didn’t cry the way I used to, trying to keep quiet so no one would hear.
This was not like the others. It was cleaner and quieter.
Behind me, the door opened.”Eva?”
With her arms encircling herself, Ashley stood there.
At last, I started crying.
I dabbed at my cheek. “If you’re here to defend Madison, don’t.”I’m not.Then what?
She took a step toward her, but stopped as if she realized she didn’t deserve it. “I should’ve said something back then.””Yes,” I said. “You should have.”
Ashley gave a nod. “I laughed because I was scared they’d turn on me.”Don’t be here to protect Madison.I answered, “I believe you. “Madison made it simple to follow her.
Ashley’s expression softened.However, that doesn’t make it acceptable,” I continued.I am aware.And I won’t console you for your guilt.”
She cast a downward glance. “I know that too.”
We stood there for a while while the music continued to murmur behind the glass.I am also aware of that.
Ashley then remarked, “You look beautiful tonight.”I’m grateful.You really did change a lot.
I looked over at her.”No,” I replied. “I developed. There is a distinction.
Ashley took a swallow. “There is.”
Before she could ask for more than I could provide, I departed.You look stunning tonight.
I walked by the ballroom doors in the lobby. Madison was smaller than I had ever seen her, standing close to the wall. Brielle refused to raise her head. The video screen was being removed by the organization.
It buzzed on my phone.
Mom: How’s my daughter doing?
I grinned.
Me: Mom, at last she entered the room.
I walked past the doors to the ballroom.
Mom: And?
Me: At last, everyone noticed her.
Mom: Well done. Eva, stop shrinking. It was never intended for you to vanish.
I glanced at my image in the mirror. I had a little smudge in my mascara. I had wrinkles in my dress. Around my face, my hair had come free.
I didn’t look flawless.
I appeared to be present.It was never intended for you to vanish.
I didn’t return inside for the reunion cake or the dry chicken. Still in the red outfit, I drove to the Chinese takeout restaurant close to my hotel.
The cashier looked up. “Special occasion?””Sort of,” I said.”The good kind?”
I gave it some thinking.the kind that is required.”
I unwrapped my fortune cookie last when I got back to my hotel room.
The cashier looked up.
The words on the page said, “You are stronger than you think.”
I didn’t argue with it for once.
When I was sixteen, I believed that mending meant becoming someone that no one could make fun of.
I discovered it meant leaving before the joke could follow me when I was twenty-eight.
I wasn’t the girl they remembered when I left that reunion.
I left as the woman that girl had been waiting for.